My Story: A Testimony & Ministry

I grew up in a Lutheran Church. At the young age of two months I was baptized and at 14 I was confirmed into the membership of the church. To me, following Christ meant being able to distinguish between right and wrong.  I had little awareness of Christ’s love.  I often thought of Him in terms of Him dying for my sins, but not of His love for me.  My faith was very heavy in legalism.  This often caused me to judge my friends and family in their daily life, resulting in heated debates about controversial issues.  I thought it was my job to tell them how they were living their life incorrectly. These circumstances were frequent while I was in middle school and also during the years I attended Lincoln High.

It was when I got to college that God really started peeling back the layers.  I got involved in a Christian student ministry which taught me about grace.  God revealed to me the depths of my wrongs in judging others and how He is the only one qualified to judge.  I realized I had only been displaying God’s judgement and not His love.  During this gradual realization, I also realized how broken I am and that I as well deserve to be judged by God.  This is truly when Christ captured my heart and showed me the Gospel is a message of truth and grace.  We fall short of perfection indefinitely and cannot meet God’s expectations.  Yet, He offered Christ as a sacrifice to cover our imperfections so that we could know Him.

These truths compelled me to live life differently. Now, when I dialogue about life with people, I listen to their heart and realize despite any mistakes they have made, I have made them too.  I want them to know that our real purpose and fulfillment comes from Christ.  We are going to continue to make mistakes, but He can help us change.  While I accepted Christ at a young age, it was really in college that I decided I wanted Jesus to have complete leadership of my life.

I graduated college in May 2010 with a Bachelor of Arts, majoring in Sociology and minoring in Business.  During my college years, God gave me a lot of immensely valuable gifts.  While involved with campus ministry, I experienced community filled with love and challenges to grow in my character.  Additionally, as a junior, I was able to study abroad in Northern Italy for three months while studying business.  I carry these experiences with me to this day.

Following college, I felt God calling me to go on my first missions trip.  In the summer of 2010, I spent five weeks serving in the inner city of New York City.  During my time of serving, I observed God’s deep love for people and His desire for people’s needs to be met.  This meant holistic needs: physical, spiritual, emotional and so on.  I ended my time there feeling a yearning in my heart to continue investing time in NYC, but I had to return home.

Upon my return, I felt lost and uncertain of what God had next for me.  I continued to pray for His direction as I job searched and sought community outside of college. In the winter of 2010, I felt God calling me to intern with the inner city ministry of Cru in NYC.  Through an arduous journey of praying, seeking, and doing, God brought me to NYC in October of 2011.  I was excited, I felt so confidently that God had me where He wanted me.  I served for two years as an intern with Cru, working with churches and ministries in the inner city.  We equipped them to meet not only physical needs, but spiritual ones as well.  We trained partner ministries on how to start programs for adults, we distributed food and other necessary items, and we also helped ministries get volunteers.  My role was to share about what God was doing through our ministry via website, Facebook page, and Twitter.  I would share about our events and coordinate our volunteers.  God enabled me to serve in ways I didn’t anticipate, but were very satisfying. I got to invest in college art students who were following Christ.  In the summers of 2012 and 2013, I helped staff short-term mission trips to NYC where students learned how to integrate their art and faith.  It was exciting to encourage and help creative believers grow.

Despite these experiences and the desires that God has placed on my heart.  There is another place that has stayed on my heart for a number of years and that is Italy. Throughout the past few years, I have considered returning, but God has had me elsewhere.  I have decided to step-out in faith and serve God in Rome the next year.  This is not because it is comfortable, but because it is a place God has put in my heart.  I know that He will use my love for speaking the language (the little I know!) and my intrigue for Italian culture to help me connect with Italians.  God often asks for our willingness and obedience and so I am responding by committing to serve in Rome for a year. Following God is always an adventure and I know He will use me in the process!

That Calling Thing

Woah.  I have really left you all with a cliff hanger, huh?

I did not expect you to be sitting on the edge of your seat and I hope you haven't because that would be a painful wait. 

Pardon my delay in posting...

God has called me to stay in New York! [to intern a second year]

By now you probably know this, but I felt it is past due for me to expand.

At the beginning of this process, I spent a lot of time talking with friends, praying, and contemplating where God may have me.  Uncertainty is a hard place to be.  This is one of many times when God holds me close.  

I’m currently reading a book, “Not a Fan”, by Kyle Idleman, which overall challenges my perception of how I follow God.  In reference to my uncertainty and calling though, this statement hit me, “Jesus wants followers who will say yes to him before they even know the request.  A follower of Jesus says, “My answer is yes, now where did you want me to go?” Jesus may point to Burma, or he may point across the street (180).”  

What I’m trying to say, is that I desire to have a willingness to serve anywhere. 

Right now that means, God has me in New York.  Sometimes that is difficult, like when I spend time with dear friends, who understand calling or striving to serve Christ, and I know I can’t see them all the time.  Or, when it means not having Sunday coffee with my mom after church because I’m too far away.  Or, when I make friends in the city and then they move away.  

I don’t want to forget the beauty, too.  Like, when God uses our ministry to show children they’re loved.  Or, when I get to interact with fun families volunteering or visit the one who lives below me.  Or, when I get to enjoy a waterfront park.  

God calls us regardless of the circumstances.  Drop this and pick up this.  And by this, I mean the cross.  

God never said following Him would be easy; in fact, there are many examples in the Bible where followers have endured much difficulty.  

Uncertainty can be difficult, but knowing that you are being called somewhere is powerful.  That challenge is a purposeful process where God brings me closer.  

Those months of seeking Him and continue to seek Him as I prepare to return to NYC.  Refining.  The process of which can be painful, but so amazing as I trust Him to provide.  Thankfully, I have been affirmed through many people as I pursue another year of serving there.  

So, yes, to another year in ministry.  Yes, to uncertainty.  Yes, to risk and pain.  For the sake of the love of Christ.  For others to know Christ, through actions and words.  God, take me there.

Perspective

A while ago, I was looking and reading through my old blog entries, just up to the beginning of summer project, not my study abroad experience though. It has been interesting going through all my thoughts about summer project. I just realized that today marks the almost two month period of being home. It has not been without its ups and downs. I also recognized that today is the two-month “anniversary” of our cat being put down. I did not reveal this before, but my family put her down the last night I was at summer project. It was hard to say the least. She was about seventeen years old and I basically grew up with her around…she was three when we got her.

Anyway, I don’t want to get wrapped up in writing about our sweet cat, that’s not quite what I wanted to write about today. Last time I wrote, I was still adjusting to being back home and now I’m used to it. I can’t for certainty say I am where I believe I am supposed to be. However, for now I think God has me back home, until my next journey is revealed. I have had a lot of opportunities to talk to people about my summer and tell them what a blessing it has been as well as tell them it is JUST the beginning. God has broken my heart for many people.

My existence back here is such a change. I’m job searching and am no longer a student. In New York, my time was so planned and focused—it’s not quite like that now. Certainly, I continue to be organized and purposeful with my time, but not to that extent. I have been able to spend quality time with friends, doing things such as, baking, watching football, organizing my things, helping my parents, writing friends and much more. As much as I desire a full-time job, I feel I have been blessed with this time to do other things. One big joy has been my time with a local ministry.

Since the beginning of August, I have been doing service work with a ministry that focuses on meeting the needs of people and being a light to the community. I help with food distributions and kids’ nights. There are challenging moments, for instance, when I cannot understand someone because I don’t speak their language. Sometimes, it gives me a longing to know as many languages as possible. This most recent time was a little trying, but SO worth it. It was in the forties on Saturday and I got placed at a table with frozen food. I didn’t have gloves and I was handling frozen poultry. This is not to complain, but to say that giving and participating in meeting people’s needs can be difficult, but so beautiful. As it says in Deuteronomy 15:7-8, “7 If there is a poor man among your brothers in any of the towns of the land that the LORD your God is giving you, do not be hardhearted or tightfisted toward your poor brother. 8 Rather be openhanded and freely lend him whatever he needs.” I am giving my time and my care, but in the scheme of things it is not too much. I don’t mean this in a good or bad way. I pray people are blessed through the things we are doing and see Christ’s love through our giving. Someone cares. They are not unimportant.

I’ve continued to seek what this means in relation to my family and friends. How do I love them? How do I care for them and show them Christ’s love? Being sinful, it can be a challenge, but I know in the end, following Christ is the way to live. Summer project has definitely been a useful tool, for developing how I relate to others and show them love. I feel this is often displayed in service. Also, I have been reading some books since I returned home.

The first one I read was by John Piper, a popular preacher among my friends and the book was given to me as a graduation gift from a dear couple I know. The book is entitled, “Life As A Vapor” and is a reminder that life is fleeting and quick. What should I be doing with my time?? Some choice quotes from the book:

“We simply do not know whether one path or the other will prove to be the path on which some remarkable turn of affairs may take place for the glory of God all out of proportion to what we planned or expected” (83-84).

“But we are not responsible that the choices we make, with the best motives and knowledge available, and with good counsel, will prove to be the most influential or effective choices in producing converts or changing lives. That is God’s work, not ours” (84). This quote really resounded with me because it reminds me, that it is not my work, but God’s and even my BEST efforts are not good enough if done on my own. I can only do what is in my heart and what God expects of me and trust His plans for what I’m doing.

“God is not like a firefighter who gets calls to show up at calamities when the damage is already happening. He is more like a surgeon who plans the cutting He must do and plans it for good purposes” (126). This reminds me that God has plans (Jeremiah) and that it is purposeful for me to endure the difficult times. A verse that shows I will not always understand God’s actions: “For who knows a person’s thoughts except the spirit of that person, which is in him? So also no one comprehends the thoughts of God except the spirit of God”. 1 Corinthians 2:11
I highly recommend that book; it was the first Piper book I read. I’ll probably read more. Following that book, I just finished, “I Kissed Dating Goodbye” by Joshua Harris. It, as well, is a Christian book. It gave me a lot of perspective about relationships, both romantic and platonic. Throughout reading these books, I’ve also periodically been reading a book called “Who Is Black? One Nation’s Definition” by F. James Davis. It’s pretty interesting; it’s a historical-sociological look at how society has defined who is African American. I guess I have really taken up reading since I have returned, but then I cannot remember when I did not like reading.

Something that has been good about this time back home…just a lot of searching and seeking God. I’m blessed that I have time to serve others, spend time with people, and parents who are patient with my job search. I’ll end this with good news---I got offered a part-time job! God IS good. I ponder this blessing especially today when I met a homeless man who became homeless two months ago when he lost his job. May God provide him relief and hope.

Fun, Rehoboth, and Lessons

I had been hoping to update my blog more often, but time just seems to slip away from me. At night when I return from our ministry sites or an activity, I usually want to journal and check my email—that’s it. Contrary to this, is my desire to blog. So, instead of blogging consistently, I guess I blog in huge chunks. Since last time…

This past week has been full of experiences, wisdom, and information. I don’t want to jump to the most recent, although it would be exciting to write about! Now that I think about it, so much has happened since I last wrote. Let me break it down (now).

Friday June 25th:
This day was busy, but laid-back as well, if that makes any sense. I got up that morning to do laundry which was actually a pretty frustrating experience. After doing laundry, I had some one on one time with my discipler over lunch. I told her a little bit about how my experience had been going and some about my personal life. After about an hour, another girl joined us and we discussed our previous weeks and did a bible study. We talked about what love really is and referenced Romans 12:9-18 to consider love. Love is sincere, full of zeal, rejoice, patience, and many other things. Later that night, the whole project went to the Mets vs. Twins baseball game. It was fun to all be together, to enjoy each other’s company, and to watch some baseball!

That weekend I did many fun things (since weekends are generally free time). On Saturday, I got to visit my dear cousin in the Upper West Side. Getting there took me about an hour from where I am living and I was late! Whoops. She was gracious about it. I enjoyed delicious whole wheat pancakes, peaches, and blueberries with her and some of her friends. After her friends left, we were able to spend a couple hours together before she needed to start studying for her test. It was some sweet time since I rarely see her. Afterwards, I hopped on the train again and headed back home to wait for a friend. My friend and I went to a coffeeshop to journal and talk about our first week and what God has been doing. Then, later that night we went to a woman’s apartment (who had previously been on the same project) to eat dinner. It was a fun time with some of the other girls; laughing, sitting on the roof and staring at the skyline, and enjoying home cooked food. I really enjoyed the time there and seeing the faith the woman had that God wanted her in New York. The next day (Sunday), we went to a church called Bethel Gospel Assembly in Harlem. The church service was so joyful, upbeat, and honest. One of the main messages was that God will use my past to reshape me and to bless others. I thought that was a good reminder. Afterwards, a group of us went to a soul food restaurant, Amy Ruth’s, and many of them had chicken and waffles. I enjoyed seeing them experience that for the first time. Sunday nights we have a track meeting where we reflect on the previous week and look forward to our next sites…

Speaking of ministry sites, our second site was called Rehoboth Church! It is located in a Caribbean neighborhood of Brooklyn. This was our second week in Brooklyn and it has latched onto my heart—I am fond of Brooklyn now. Our job at this church was to spend time with the children and do a devotional with them. We shared the stories of Jonah, David and Saul, Jesus, and one other. We wanted to share stories about obedience, responding in love and God’s greatest love act for us…Jesus. Each day proved to be a little easier than the first, but still not without a lot of difficulty. A lot of the children like to run around and there is not a bunch of space. Additionally, most of them are in elementary school (a few are older), yet some of their innocence is gone. They tended to resort to violence, so we had to attempt to break up a lot of fights. Sometimes it was tiring, sometimes it was joyful and full of laughter, and frustrating. However, these kids took a piece of me and it was unfortunate that we did not have more time with them. We got four full days, but that’s not much. The last day we were able to enjoy the park with them. Some of our fellow track members will get the blessing of spending a week with them. It was not just work—it was a great reminder of God’s love not just for people, but for children. I feel like the church blessed us more than we blessed them—they were so good to us. They supplied us with meals every day (sometimes two meals), were concerned about our safety, and gifted us with t-shirts when we left. They were so good to us, but now that I think it about it, this just parallels God’s love for us. God’s love is greater than we deserve; greater than we expect.

Besides ministry site time, we had some meetings this week. At our Monday night meeting (MNM), we heard about confession and resolution. More specifically, how keeping sin to yourself creates a barrier between you and God…a barrier which can and has been removed time and time again. Unconfessed sin or problems between individuals can create issues too. It is best to bring it to the forefront and allow God to renew you in Jesus’ blood. Tuesday morning, we had bible study and were reminded that everyone has different types of struggles. However, we can come alongside them and offer hope and try to fulfill their spiritual and social needs. More specifically, we spoke of the financial struggles some have and how much we have the power to help them. We have been blessed, so what can we do in response and thanks?

Thursday and Friday we had a speaker called Sy Rogers who spoke about a MULTITUDE of things. It was great, encouraging, and a lot to take in. I’m still reflecting. Next blog entry, I will talk about what I learned from that.

Please continue to pray for what we do here. We have two weeks of ministry site work left- I don’t want to lose gusto, love, or energy. We can do all things through Christ who strengthens us (Philippians 4:13). Pray for unity on my team, track, and project. We also have a homeless outreach on Monday with the whole project. May we reach out to people without judgment, but with love and understanding. Until next time…which will be soon! Lots of love.