A while ago, I was looking and reading through my old blog entries, just up to the beginning of summer project, not my study abroad experience though. It has been interesting going through all my thoughts about summer project. I just realized that today marks the almost two month period of being home. It has not been without its ups and downs. I also recognized that today is the two-month “anniversary” of our cat being put down. I did not reveal this before, but my family put her down the last night I was at summer project. It was hard to say the least. She was about seventeen years old and I basically grew up with her around…she was three when we got her.
Anyway, I don’t want to get wrapped up in writing about our sweet cat, that’s not quite what I wanted to write about today. Last time I wrote, I was still adjusting to being back home and now I’m used to it. I can’t for certainty say I am where I believe I am supposed to be. However, for now I think God has me back home, until my next journey is revealed. I have had a lot of opportunities to talk to people about my summer and tell them what a blessing it has been as well as tell them it is JUST the beginning. God has broken my heart for many people.
My existence back here is such a change. I’m job searching and am no longer a student. In New York, my time was so planned and focused—it’s not quite like that now. Certainly, I continue to be organized and purposeful with my time, but not to that extent. I have been able to spend quality time with friends, doing things such as, baking, watching football, organizing my things, helping my parents, writing friends and much more. As much as I desire a full-time job, I feel I have been blessed with this time to do other things. One big joy has been my time with a local ministry.
Since the beginning of August, I have been doing service work with a ministry that focuses on meeting the needs of people and being a light to the community. I help with food distributions and kids’ nights. There are challenging moments, for instance, when I cannot understand someone because I don’t speak their language. Sometimes, it gives me a longing to know as many languages as possible. This most recent time was a little trying, but SO worth it. It was in the forties on Saturday and I got placed at a table with frozen food. I didn’t have gloves and I was handling frozen poultry. This is not to complain, but to say that giving and participating in meeting people’s needs can be difficult, but so beautiful. As it says in Deuteronomy 15:7-8, “7 If there is a poor man among your brothers in any of the towns of the land that the LORD your God is giving you, do not be hardhearted or tightfisted toward your poor brother. 8 Rather be openhanded and freely lend him whatever he needs.” I am giving my time and my care, but in the scheme of things it is not too much. I don’t mean this in a good or bad way. I pray people are blessed through the things we are doing and see Christ’s love through our giving. Someone cares. They are not unimportant.
I’ve continued to seek what this means in relation to my family and friends. How do I love them? How do I care for them and show them Christ’s love? Being sinful, it can be a challenge, but I know in the end, following Christ is the way to live. Summer project has definitely been a useful tool, for developing how I relate to others and show them love. I feel this is often displayed in service. Also, I have been reading some books since I returned home.
The first one I read was by John Piper, a popular preacher among my friends and the book was given to me as a graduation gift from a dear couple I know. The book is entitled, “Life As A Vapor” and is a reminder that life is fleeting and quick. What should I be doing with my time?? Some choice quotes from the book:
“We simply do not know whether one path or the other will prove to be the path on which some remarkable turn of affairs may take place for the glory of God all out of proportion to what we planned or expected” (83-84).
“But we are not responsible that the choices we make, with the best motives and knowledge available, and with good counsel, will prove to be the most influential or effective choices in producing converts or changing lives. That is God’s work, not ours” (84). This quote really resounded with me because it reminds me, that it is not my work, but God’s and even my BEST efforts are not good enough if done on my own. I can only do what is in my heart and what God expects of me and trust His plans for what I’m doing.
“God is not like a firefighter who gets calls to show up at calamities when the damage is already happening. He is more like a surgeon who plans the cutting He must do and plans it for good purposes” (126). This reminds me that God has plans (Jeremiah) and that it is purposeful for me to endure the difficult times. A verse that shows I will not always understand God’s actions: “For who knows a person’s thoughts except the spirit of that person, which is in him? So also no one comprehends the thoughts of God except the spirit of God”. 1 Corinthians 2:11
I highly recommend that book; it was the first Piper book I read. I’ll probably read more. Following that book, I just finished, “I Kissed Dating Goodbye” by Joshua Harris. It, as well, is a Christian book. It gave me a lot of perspective about relationships, both romantic and platonic. Throughout reading these books, I’ve also periodically been reading a book called “Who Is Black? One Nation’s Definition” by F. James Davis. It’s pretty interesting; it’s a historical-sociological look at how society has defined who is African American. I guess I have really taken up reading since I have returned, but then I cannot remember when I did not like reading.
Something that has been good about this time back home…just a lot of searching and seeking God. I’m blessed that I have time to serve others, spend time with people, and parents who are patient with my job search. I’ll end this with good news---I got offered a part-time job! God IS good. I ponder this blessing especially today when I met a homeless man who became homeless two months ago when he lost his job. May God provide him relief and hope.
